


Learning to hope again

by oscitantasphalt



Category: Natsume Yuujinchou | Natsume's Book of Friends
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Gen, Muteness, Natsume Takashi's Terrible Childhood
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-27
Updated: 2021-03-13
Packaged: 2021-03-19 07:48:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 5,845
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29747304
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/oscitantasphalt/pseuds/oscitantasphalt
Summary: At 9 years old, Natsume gets his voice sealed.
Relationships: Fujiwara Shigeru & Natsume Takashi, Fujiwara Touko & Natsume Takashi, Kitamoto Atsushi & Natsume Takashi & Nishimura Satoru, Natori Shuuichi & Natsume Takashi, Natsume Takashi & Everyone, Natsume Takashi & Taki Tooru & Tanuma Kaname, Natsume Takashi & Youkai
Comments: 20
Kudos: 86





	1. Nine years old, part one

**Author's Note:**

> Hey guys! First work I've published in years, first work I've posted for natsume yujincho. Hope you like. Leave a comment ^^

_Why?_

A branch scratched his arm as he kept stumbling through the forest.

_Why can only I see them?_

He kept running, barely able to keep up breathing.

_What are these things?_

Finally, after stumbling into a small clearing, Takashi whipped around to face the monster chasing him today.

Hs throat felt so dry it ached. When was the last time he drank something? His lungs and body trembled as he gasped to catch his breath before the scary thing caught up.

But nothing came.

Takashi tried not to relax, even as those tense seconds waiting turned to minutes. Had it gotten bored and forgotten about him?

Looking around, he realized he was standing on a small island of land in the middle of a swamp, fog rolled in from all sides. Why was there a swamp in the middle of the forest?

The hairs on the back of his neck crept up. Something new was here. Cold sweat rolled down his forehead as Takashi realized it was everywhere. He was surrounded.

The fog was so thick, Takashi could no longer see the sun hanging low in the sky. _No... how am I supposed to get back to their house like this?_

Tears began to welled in the corners of his eyes. His heart hammered in his ears. The fog was closing in, closer, closer, the air getting colder.

 **A** **child of man.**

Takashi froze. The air chilled. That voice came from the fog, all around him. Nowhere, but everywhere.

"Get away!" Takashi screamed, falling to his knees. Could it see him? Could it see his fear?

**How impudent of you, to wander into my marsh.**

"Get away from me! Get away!" Tears spilled from his eyes as he clutched his arms close to his chest. It might not be enough. What could he do?

"What did I ever do to you?!" Takashi sobbed, the words leaving his throat before he could help himself. 

**How pathetic. To march into my domain and put up such a disgusting fuss.**

Takashi ducked just in time to dodge something the being swung at him. He crouched down, tried to make himself as small as possible.

 _Why... why did it have to be me?_ He couldn't stop crying. He had to stop crying. The monster was mad at him.

 **Why waste time questioning the obvious?** The voice boomed back, as if in response.

 _I have to stop. They'll kn_ _ow I was crying again. I have to stop_ _, or else they'll see my eyes are red_. _They'll get mad again_.

 **How disgusting.** The voice crept up behind him. Something grabbed his collar from behind.

"Let me go!" Takashi cried out, struggling against the grip to no avail. "Don't eat me!"

 _I can't keep causing trouble for them!_ _I need to hurry home... or else..._

 **How unpleasant. Eating you would bring no satisfaction.** The grip tightened. **Your voice is a nuisance to me. Begone!** **And speak no more!**

Takashi screamed. Something within his chest was pulling, being ripped out from through his throat. He kept screamed, shaking as the grip withdrew, the fog dissipated, taking with it the chill and what it'd stolen.

Takashi was back in the forest clearing. The water and fog were gone. The sun was back in the sky, near set.

He couldn't hear anything hut the rustle of leaves in the warm late-summer wind. When had he stopped screaming?

His head felt floaty. His chest felt too light. His throat, sore and numb.

_I need to go back._

Dazed, Takashi returned back down the path he'd taken to get there.


	2. Nine years old, part two

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i have no idea how ao3 works. can someone teach me. 
> 
> Also italics in quotes means it was not vocally stated, Natsume just "thinks" he said it. Like how you can hear your voice if you talk in your head? I hope that makes sense.
> 
> After re-editing this chapter, I may need to add unreliable narrator to the tags. Hm.

_"I'_ _m_ _back_ _."_

Takashi closed the door behind him. Looks like he got back to the Sakaki's in the middle of dinner.

"Is that you, Takashi-kun?" Sakaki-obasan's voice called out. He heard utensils clink onto the table, the scuff of wood from the chair as she must've stood up.

Takashi removed his shoes and tucked them onto the farthest corner of the genkan.

He opened his mouth to respond, apologize for being so late. _"Yes-"_

But no sound came out.

He tried again. His voice still wasn't working.

Sakaki-obasan entered the hallway. She was getting closer.

"What's going on, Takashi-kun?" She was speaking to him. His breath hitched.

Quickly shrugging off his backpack, he grabbed the nearest notebook and worn pencil. He scribbled out the response as quickly as he could, before obasan could see anything was wrong. He ripped the paper out and gave it to her just as she got within arm's reach.

_Im sorry for being so late. My voice isnt working. I dont know why_

Her eyes scanned the paper, raising an eyebrow. "Your voice? Maybe you've caught a chill. I think we have some medicine in the bathroom cupboard. Will you be able to go to school tomorrow?"

Takashi nodded fervently. There was a test for math coming up soon, tomorrow's lesson was important for review.

"That's good. Now come have some dinner. Let me know if you start to get a fever." Sakaki-obasan gestured for him to follow.

Takashi sat down at the table, but he felt almost too sick to eat. What had happened? Why couldn't he speak? It wasn't a cold... he knew illness like the back of his hand, and this sensation of emptiness in his chest and throat was nothing familiar.

Trying to stop his hand from shaking, he gripped the glass of water and lifted it to his lips.

\---

"Why was he so quiet at dinner? I swear, it's like he was born to creep others out."

"You don't have to put it like that... Apparently he lost his voice. He doesn't know why."

"How did that kid manage to get sick in this weather? It's the nicest it's been since the rainy season!"

"I thought that was strange, too! But he seemed fine, and even said he'd be okay to go to school."

"Just as well. I'm not staying home to watch the kid. I bet he's just making stuff up again to get attention."

"Well, let's just wait and see. If he really is faking, he'll stop eventually."

\---

At school, Takashi's head spun from nerves. Even though he'd hoped this was all a bad dream, he still wasn't able to speak in the morning. But he said he'd go to school, so that morning, he left with Hiro-san, the Sakaki's son two years older than him.

Unlike Miyako from a few years ago, Hiro-san didn't really seem to mind him. He was almost excited when they'd first met, to have a younger boy in the same house to play soccer with, but Takashi just wasn't able to keep up. With all the invisible monsters everywhere, he couldn't stop flinching whenever he saw one, and Hiro-san just looked so disappointed.

Eventually, he stopped trying to teach Takashi how to play soccer. He asked Takashi move his futon to the other side of their temporary shared room. All he did now was walk Takashi to their elementary school in the mornings, and sit on the other side of the table when they ate dinner.

"Bye-bye, Takashi. See ya back at home." Hiro-san waved to him nonchalantly as he went ahead to join his friends at the other side of the school building, leaving Takashi at the gate.

Takashi tried to at least hum a response as he waved back, but still no sound left his throat. He swallowed hard, and started heading towards his classroom.

It was still kind of early. Hiro-san liked to leave early so he had time to hang out with his friends before class started. Takashi understood that a bit. Even though Hiro-san didn't like him anymore, it was nicer to walk to school with someone. Reaching class 4-B, he slid open the door and headed towards his desk.

The girl on class duty was writing on the chalkboard. She nodded to him.

"Morning, Natsume-kun."

He waved back awkwardly in response. She looked at him strangely, then continued with the morning agenda.

Setting down his backpack on his desk, he pulled out the notebook and pencil he'd used last night.

He tapped the girl on the back.

"What?" She turned to face him, then noticed the notebook.

_Do you know where Honda-sensei is?_

"Sensei? He's in the faculty office." She answered. "Why are you using that notebook? Are you okay?"

Takashi nodded quickly. He flipped the page and wrote a reply.

 _I lost my voice_ _last night_

"You can't talk?" She sounded a bit worried. "If you're sick, why didn't you stay home?"

Takashi flipped back to the previous page. He needed to make sure to save space if he was going to use this book to talk.

_Im not sick. I dont know what happened_

"You don't know?" She raised an eyebrow inquisitively. "How does that even happen?"

He looked to the ground, shrugging helplessly. Everyone already thought he was strange, he didn't need it to get any worse. They might start badmouthing Hiro-san and the Sakakis'.

"Well, it's whatever. Telling Sensei is a good idea though." She waved to him lightly. "Get better soon."

Takashi bowed lightly to her, then turning around to head to the office.

All of a sudden, his heart ached. Takashi wished he'd tried harder to remember his classmate's names. She could probably tell he didn't know it.

\---

Honda-sensei smiled kindly at him. "No need to worry, Natsume-kun. I'll make sure to tell your other teachers you lost your voice. Be sure you're taking care of yourself, okay?"

Takashi bowed deeply. He reached for his notebook to express his thanks, but a hand from Honda-sensei stopped him. He looked up, confused.

"That's your science notebook, right?" Sensei prompted him. He nodded. "You should save those pages for class, okay?"

Takashi's stomach dropped. He didn't want to argue, but without the notebook, how else was he going to talk?

Before he could decide if he should respond somehow, Honda-sensei opened one of the metal drawers to his desk and pulled out a plain notebook.

He held it out for Takashi. "Here you go. I bought a few too many this year, it's good that it'll get used up instead of sitting around."

Takashi accepted the notebook, his stomach churning with happiness and guilt. How much was it? Was it really okay for someone like him to use it?

"Head on back to the classroom, now. I'll be there soon to start homeroom." Honda-sensei's voice interrupted his thoughts of how to respond. Giving one last bow, Takashi hurried back to the classroom. He shut the door to the faculty office behind him.

"Isn't that your transfer student?" Kimura asked, looking up from her lesson plans. "I've heard some strange rumors about him. You sure you should've let that go so easy?"

Honda shrugged. "Do you think I should have ignored him? He already went out of his way to inform me, so it's most likely the truth. I don't think he's a bad kid. What's the harm?"

Kimura hummed. "Well, good luck with that. Be sure to keep an eye on him."

"Will do, Kimura-senpai." Honda rose, shuffling his papers into a neat stack. It was about time to head to the classroom for him as well.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter will most likely be more human shit, and then we get to the youkai. Yeah, i got this.. writing fun.. maybe. Anyways, hope u enjoyed! Leave a comment if u liked, if u didnt, or if u want music recs.
> 
> Also, the 4-B thing is meant to be elementary school year 4. I dont know if they actually title elementary school classes this way, but ... anyways, I sure hope they do! If you do know though don't hesitate to correct me.


	3. Nine years old, part three

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Me: I may perhaps be aiming for a weekly updating schedule  
> Also me: how long is a week again

"Are you finished already, Takashi-kun?" Sakaki-obasan's voice snapped him out of his thoughts. 

Takashi looked up quickly, then down again. All he had managed to eat were 3 bites of rice and two sips of miso soup. That last bite he'd had to force down with a dry swallow. 

Takashi's stomach spun with nausea. His nerves felt frayed, like worn rope tearing at the seams. 

He was so hungry. He'd only eaten a slice of bread for breakfast, and 2 rice crackers instead of lunch. But Takashi felt like he was going to throw up if he ate any more.

He opened his mouth to respond, before remembering and shutting it quickly. He gave a small nod in response and put down his chopsticks. 

Takashi felt Hiro-san's eyes watching him as he stood up, gave a small bow in place of thanks for the meal, pushed in his chair, and tried not to walk too fast as he fled the dining room into the hallway.

Locking the bathroom door behind him, Takashi crouched down as small as he could go, clutched his knees tight to his chest, and tried to calm his breathing. 

It had been 18 days. Almost 3 weeks. Takashi still couldn't say a word. 

He was positive it was the monster in the marsh that stole his voice. Ever since that evening, he hadn't been able to speak. And hadn't it said, 'speak no more'..?

Takashi clenched his trembling fists. _What can I do? When will it give my voice back?_

A loud knocking on the door behind Takashi scared him out of his thoughts. 

"Takashi? You in there?" It was Hiro-san.

Takashi sprung to his feet and quickly unlocked the door. 

It opened gently a moment later. 

"Why are you sitting here in the dark?" Hiro-san tilted his head, flipping the lightswitch. Takashi squeezed his eyes shut at the sudden brightness, unwillingly letting the tears that had been budding in the corners of his eyes slip out. Takashi quickly wiped them away. 

When he opened his eyes again, Hiro-san was looking at him intently. Takashi, uncomfortable and still not fully calmed down, lowered his head again. 

Just then, a warm hand shot out and gripped his. "Come with me."

Takashi felt himself being pulled along. He wanted to pull away, but that might make Hiro-san mad, so he just followed, an anxious feeling rising in him again the closer they got to Hiro-san's bedroom. 

Hiro-san pointed for him sit down in the middle of the room, before going back to close the door, and sitting down across from him. 

"Takashi, look at me." 

And so Takashi did. 

Hiro-san's face, normally calm and not too expressive, was twisted with a soft sort of worry. His eyebrows fixed, teeth clenched, biting his bottom lip. His face had so much to say, but he stayed silent. 

Takashi didn't know what his face looked like in that moment. _What face should I make? What should I do? Why did Hiro-san bring me here?_

"Hey, Takashi." Hiro-san finally spoke. "Tap on my hand. One tap is yes, two taps no, three taps is I don't know. Nod for okay. Okay?"

Takashi didn't move. Tap on his hand? He watched Hiro-san's outstretched palm, unsure. 

"C'mon. Just do it. Okay?"

_Okay._ Takashi reached out his right index finger and tapped Hiro-san's palm once. 

A tenseness in Hiro-san's shoulders Takashi hadn't notced melted away. "Thank you. Okay. Um. I wanna talk to you."

Takashi nodded hesitantly. 

Hiro-san seemed to hesitate as well, pausing, before swallowing hard and taking the plunge. Their eyes met.

His voice rose, the loudest it's been since he stopped reaching out to Takashi. 

"You're scared, aren't you?" 

Takashi froze. 

"I don't want to talk to you with that stupid notebook because you'd just lie." The words tumbled out of Hiro-san, like stones dumped in river rapids. "Don't lie! The truth is, you're scared, right?" 

Takashi was so lost. 

His hand was shaking. He tapped once.

Hiro-san looked relieved. "I knew it. I overheard Mom, you know? She got a call from your homeroom teacher. He said you haven't said anything in any of your classes for the last two weeks. Is that true?" His voice strained.

Takashi nodded, anything to avoid looking Hiro-san in the eyes. He tapped once. 

Hiro-san's other hand gripped Takashi on the shoulder, startling him to look up again. 

"What happened? Why can't you talk?" His gaze was so insistent Takashi couldn't help but shrink away.

_Oh, right._ He quickly tapped three times. 

He removed the hand holding Takashi's shoulder, and the sudden fear and tension at the contact left his body. 

"You don't know what happened." Hiro-san's eyes seemed to see right through him. Sweat rolled down Takashi's neck. He didn't seem satisfied with the answer.

"I knew it. That must be scary. I'm gonna ask Mom to take you to the doctor." He started to stand up.

Takashi lunged for his arm. Hiro-san looked back, surprised, only to stop completely when their eyes met. 

Takashi shook his head desperately. _Not the hospital, please.. I don't want to go to the doctor. Doctors are..._

Hiro-san seemed to be trying to read his expression. "Why..? Takashi, why don't you want to go to the doctor? Are you scared of needles or something?" He sounded confused, lost, a little nervous. 

Takashi reached for his palm and tapped twice. 

"No...?" Hiro-san repeated. He sounded so lost. Takashi had never heard him like this before. He sounded almost...

"Don't you want to get better...? You said you were scared! Don't you want to find out what's wrong?" 

_Oh._

Hiro-san sounded scared. Scared for him. 

The realization made Takashi let go.

"Hey, Takashi.. I can ask Mom to take you to the doctor, right?" Hiro-san's voice was shaking. He seemed to realize it, too, and quickly cleared his throat. "I'm gonna do it. I'm older, so you don't get to tell me what to do." He stormed out the door and shut it behind him. 

Takashi sat there, head spinning. He stood up and grabbed his futon from the closet, laid it out in the furthest corner of the room. 

"Hey, Mom--" Hiro-san's voice was muffled through the walls of the house, but Takashi smacked his hands over his ears before he could hear any more. His ears rang a bit, but that was the least of his thoughts.

He curled up, completely underneath the futon blanket, gripping his pillow folded over behind his head to cover his ears. 

It was a familiar, uncomfortable position, but better than hearing what they would say when they thought Takashi couldn't hear. 

\---

Takashi wasn't sure he wanted to know what Hiro-san had done to make it happen, (there was a lot of shouting), but the next day Obasan told him he didn't have to go to school, and they'd be driving to the family clinic to get Takashi's throat checked out. 

He was a little grateful Obasan didn't seem to want him to respond, just told him to grab the notebook Sensei gave him and go to the car. 

But he was even more grateful, (so much so he felt ashamed), that Hiro-san had already left for school by the time Takashi woke up. 

"You can sit down in the waiting area, Takashi-kun." Sakaki-obasan pointed to the chairs off to the side as they entered the clinic. "I'll just talk to the receptionist about the checkup."

Takashi nodded, doing as she said and sitting down in a chair where he couldn't see her. He tried fiddling with the cover of the notebook to make the nervous feeling in his gut go away. _Maybe I am scared of the doctor?_

After a while like that, he finally heard two sets of footsteps approach. He turned around, it was Obasan and a nurse. Tucking the notebook and pencil under his arm, he stood up and met them halfway. 

"Natsume Takashi-kun, right?" The nurse asked, smiling. He nodded. "Hayashi-sensei will be seeing you to help with your voice. Follow me." 

Takashi and Sakaki-obasan followed after the nurse, into a long and confusing hallway. Once they reached a specific room, the nurse opened the door and gestured them inside. 

"Sensei will be with you very shortly. Please have a seat inside!" There were three chairs lined against a wall, an examination table on the other side of the room, and then a desk with a computer.

Sakaki-obasan sat in the chair closest to the door, while Takashi moved for the one closest to the desk. He placed the notebook in his lap and tried to swallow the feeling of nausea in his throat. 

"Listen, Takashi-kun," Sakaki-obasan was talking to him. He couldn't quite turn to face her. "It's not that I think you would, but don't lie to the doctor. They'll be able to tell if you're lying." 

Takashi's world suddenly flipped. He was at the doctor. They were going to examine him. How was he going to explain himself? 

He knew it was the monster in the marsh that stole his voice, but how could he explain that to the doctor? If they could tell he was lying, would that mean they'd believe Takashi? 

_No, no! No one else can see them. I already know that. But then... what do I do?_

Two knocks on the door brought him back. The door opened, and a tall man with short brown hair parted at the middle walked into the room. 

"You must be Natsume Takashi-kun." He smiled, taking a seat at the desk. "And you're his guardian, Sakaki-san?"

"Yes, that's me." Obasan tucked her hair behind her ear. 

"Thank you." He nodded towards her, then turned to face Takashi. "It's nice to meet you, Natsume-kun. I'm Hayashi. Can you tell me what's wrong?"

After a moment of Obasan staying silent, Takashi knew it was up to him. He flipped open the book to a new page and started writing. 

_I can't talk anymore. It started two and a half weeks ago. I dont know why_

Hayashi-sensei nodded. "That sounds hard. Do you have a cold? Here, let me take your temperature."

Takashi quickly shook his head. He scribbled quickly. 

_It's not a cold or fever. I get sick a lot and it doesn't feel like this._

"Hmm... does your throat hurt at all?"

_No._

Hayashi-sensei stood up. "Could I have you sit on the table here? You can bring your notebook."

Takashi stood and did as he asked. 

"I'm going to do a quick examination. Can I have you nod for yes, and shake your head for no?" Takashi nodded.

He placed one hand over the front of Takashi's throat, and the second on the middle of his back. 

"Can I have you try to speak?" When Takashi didn't move, Hayashi-sensei spoke again. "I know your voice isn't working, this is just to see what's wrong. Just try, okay?"

Takashi swallowed. He opened his mouth and tried testing his voice. 

_"Like this?"_

All that came out was dry air, shaped like the words he'd tried to utter. 

"Thank you, Natsume-kun." Hayashi-sensei removed the hand resting on his back, but kept the other one in place. "Can I have you try to hum now, please?" 

He tried again, this time it was less than nothing. Was he doing it wrong? Takashi tried to remember how to hum, and did it how he remembered, but no sound or noise came from his throat.

"Okay. Thank you, Natsume-kun." He took his hand away. Placing the stethoscope buds in his ears, he held the flat bit, ready to place over Takashi's chest. "Can I have you take some deep breaths? In 3 seconds, hold 3 seconds, and out slowly. Follow my voice, okay?"

Takashi did exactly as the doctor instructed. 

Sensei then had him open his mouth wide, and he looked inside for a moment, before leaning back, thanking Takashi again, and asking him to wait outside for a moment while he spoke to Sakaki-obasan. 

Takashi felt relieved. Hayashi-sensei didn't seem to think he was lying, and he wasn't mad either. Maybe he was safe?

Just as that thought left his mind, two tiny monsters tottered down the hallway, heading towards him. Takashi's blood ran cold. He thought the clinic would be safe. Usually they hate places with lots of humans. 

_What should I do? Sensei said to wait outside the room.._ Takashi's eyes darted around the room, looking for somewhere he could hide.. oh, but he'd definitely get lost.. Obasan would be mad at him again..

He squeezed his eyes shut. 

_Please, don't come this way!_

The tiniest squeal rang out, as if someone had stepped on a mouse's tail. Very slowly, Takashi opened his eyes, only to see the tiny monsters scrambling away the opposite direction. 

Had he just...?

The door to the room swung open, Obasan marching out. Takashi froze. She was angry. 

"Come on." She snatched Takashi's wrist in her hand, continuing towards the direction of the waiting room. 

Her grip was tight, and she didn't slow down for him to keep up. Once they reached the waiting room, Takashi was almost out of breath, and dizzy from the pain in his wrist. 

She let go and pointed towards the chairs. "Sit down. I need to pay for the consultation." 

Takashi's stomach dropped. He hurried to the chair, sitting down with as little noise as possible. 

He stared at the spot on his right wrist Obasan held him. It was a bit red. He held his arm close to his chest and shut his eyes again. 

_I knew this was a bad idea, Hiro-san..._

\---

"I'm home!" Hiro shook off his shoes and backpack, hurrying into the dining room where he could hear faint voices. 

As he got closer, he stopped. 

"I knew that kid was faking this whole time." Dad's voice spat. "I told you this whole time, didn't I? What a waste of money."

Mom sighed sharply. 

Hiro opened the dining room. "What do you mean, a waste?" 

"Hiro! You're home." Mom sounded a bit embarrassed. She looked away.

Dad turned away. "I'll be right back." He stood and left the room. 

Hiro looked straight at his mother. "Mom, what happened? What did the doctor say? Is Takashi okay?"

Mom shook her head. "There's nothing wrong with Takashi. The doctor said his lungs and throat were perfectly fine."

A lump formed in his throat. "That's not true... Takashi said.. he said he was scared! The doctor must be lying!" Even as he said it, it felt wrong.

"Hiro!" Mom snapped. He stopped and looked up at her. "The doctor wasn't lying. The one who was lying was--"

Hiro couldn't hear her anymore. He couldn't hear, but he knew exactly what she'd said.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think this has been my favorite chapter to write so far. I hope you guys enjoy it as much as I did writing/editing it


	4. Nine years old, part four

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you guys so much for the comments and kudos!! I'm really glad i decided to write and publish this story. I worry this story isnt as good as it can be, or that I could be doing better, but the less I focus on that and just write the better it is. I've gotten better at editing, too! But I'm so grateful to everyone who is reading this story. Thank you again. But enough rambling, enjoy the chapter!

The door to Hiro-san's room opened. Takashi looked up, to see the boy walking in. He noticed him, then quickly looked away. Takashi's stomach twisted.

He reached for his notebook, trying to flip it open to the nearest clean page.

"Don't." Hiro-san stopped him. "Just don't, Takashi."

Takashi's hands fell. The notebook folded back shut.

Hiro-san sat down next to his bookshelf, on the opposite side of the room as Takashi, and grabbed a worn volume of manga.

"Don't follow me to school anymore." A sharp stab of distress pierced him at Hiro-san's words.

"You're such a liar, Natsume."

\---

The next morning, Hiro-san didn't wake him up for school. Takashi only woke when he'd heard the door to the room shut as Hiro-san had left.

His stomach ached. Takashi had to skip dinner last night because he was too scared to face the Sakakis after the appointment. In the middle of the night, he'd thought about sneaking into the kitchen to eat some bread, but the thought of accidentally waking Hiro-san was so nerve-wracking he couldn't make himself move. He had to eat something this morning.

After getting dressed, Takashi ate a slice of toast with jam scraped too thinly over the surface. At least he didn't feel so nauseous anymore.

Pulling the straps of his backpack over his shoulder, he left the house and started to walk the familiar path to school.

After a few minutes of walking, Hiro-san's absence was all the more obvious. The invisible monsters that he'd been able to ignore so well when he was with someone else were all the more present now.

Two light cloak-wearing human-like monsters were in the trees lining the street, sitting on branches and conversing about something.

"Ahh, it's been some fine weather lately."

"Indeed! Although the leaves shall soon wilt, those colors will be fine ones, as well."

Takashi kept his eyes dead ahead. _Don't look at the_ _m_ _, they won't notice me. Don't look at them, they won't look at me._

"Agh!" The first monster's voice cried out, sharp with pain. "What on earth is that disgusting presence?!"

"I smell a child of man nearby! A delicious smelling one, at that!" The second one sounded ravenous.

_They noticed me!_ A familiar fear chilled his spine.

"Agh!" Both monsters cried out.

"Quit that, you little rat!" The first one waved its hands to the sky, their paper mask rustling in the wind.

Takashi felt the same confusion from yesterday. What was he doing that made them act this way? It was almost as though they could hear him.

The second one's face, now that Takashi met its gaze, was much more like an animal. It curled its lip, displaying terrifyingly sharp fangs. "Disgusting technique there, child. How dare you presume to invade our minds?"

Takashi trembled at the sight of the fangs, drool dripping down the longest canines. _What are these monsters talking about? Can they really hear me?_

"Ow!! Yes, we can hear you, you little devil!" The first one shrieked. "Now quit that! Lest my friend eat you!"

"I may do so regardless!" The beast snarled. "You have some impressive power... That must be why you smell so enticing."

Takashi threw an arm over his head as a pathetic shield. _Don't eat me!_ _Don't_ _come closer!_

The monsters screamed in pain. Takashi looked up incredulously, to see them both clutching their heads in agony.

"You little brat! You'll pay for this!" The first monster disappeared in a miniature explosion of leaves.

The beast regarded him with a cold fury. "You may call us monsters, but your invasion is far more so than any ayakashi spell we have encountered. Treasure your life, for today you may keep it. Begone already!"

Ayakashi? Spell? But more importantly--

It was letting him go. Without a second thought, Takashi broke into a sprint towards the school.

\---

"Why does Natsume always get skipped during the class reading?"

"I know, right? It's so unfair! Why does he get special treatment?"

"I heard from Mio-chan that it's because Natsume-kun stopped talking!"

"You can do that?"

"He said he lost his voice, like 2 weeks ago, but he didn't know why."

"How do you not know why you can't talk anymore?? He's probably just making up creepy lies again!"

Takashi gripped his hands over his ears so tight his head felt fuzzy. No matter how hard he tried, he could hear everything.

\---

"Natsume-kun?"

Sensei's voice snapped him out of his thoughts. He was in the faculty office. Honda-sensei had asked to speak with him after school.

Takashi nodded to show he was paying attention.

Honda-sensei swiveled his chair around until his body was facing Takashi. He shifted uncomfortably under the weight of Sensei's attention.

"Natsume-kun, I heard you went to the doctor yesterday." He probed softly. "Were they able to tell you what was wrong?"

No.   
Yes.   
No, Hayashi-sensei wasn't able to see anything wrong.  
Yes, I already know why I can't talk.

"Natsume-kun?"

He flinched. Takashi had no idea what to say. So much to say, but so little he could share.

Where would he even start? Takashi clutched his notebook a bit tighter to his chest, unable to look his teacher in the eyes.

"I see." Sensei gave what sounded like a sad sigh. "I'm sorry, Natsume-kun. I do hope it gets better soon. I actually was hoping to ask you something else, is that okay?"

Takashi looked back up, nodded. Hopefully it was something he could answer.

Honda-sensei looked a little happy at his reaction, before letting his face grow a bit more serious. "You've seemed more than a bit out of it all day, especially during the afternoon. I won't ask if everything is okay, because I know you're struggling with your voice, but is there anything on your mind lately?" He leaned a bit forward, propping his chin beneath folded hands. "Anything you want to ask, or talk about?"

Takashi wasn't sure why Sensei was asking him, but maybe it was safe to respond?

_Something I want to ask...?_

He thought on it for a moment.

It hit him, all of a sudden. Quickly flipping open his notebook, he wrote his inquiry carefully on a fresh sheet.

_What is an "ayakashi"?_

\---

Takashi smiled to himself, hugging the book he'd checked out at the school library close to his chest.

_Youkai.. I never thought of it like that. The things I see... they're probably youkai!_

The book was a easy to read mythology book about common types of youkai and their origin in Japanese history. He'd recognized a lot of the illustrated creatures, from things he'd seen with his own eyes.

Honda-sensei had gladly answered his question, although a little confused why he'd be wondering about that, and where Takashi had heard such an old word. Takashi was able to avoid suspicion by saying he'd heard it on the tv last night.

_Hopefully Sensei forgets about it soon_ , Takashi couldn't help but hope, but even that small hope had his heart stinging with guilt. Honda-sensei was so nice to him. Sensei deserved a better student than him.

Passing by a tree he recognized as near the Sakaki's house, Takashi stopped to put the guidebook to youkai inside of his backpack. He didn't want them to think he was weird again.

Finally reaching the front door, Takashi walked in and shut it quietly behind him. Hiro-san was still at school, today was Obasan's shopping day, and Hiro's dad really didn't like Takashi. It was almost a relief he didn't have to announce his return, even though it was just because he couldn't. Takashi moved his shoes to their familiar corner in the genkan, out of the way.

There was a voice coming from the kitchen.

"So you'll be able to take him in, then?"

Takashi froze. Without meaning to, he'd overheard. Was Hiro's dad on the phone with someone?

"That's a huge help." He sounded genuinely relieved. Takashi found himself quietly getting closer to the kitchen entrance, staying out of sight.

"What? It's fine, isn't it? It just hasn't been working out here. My kid keeps getting into fights with him. You know how boys their age are, right?" He spoke much quicker this time. "But besides that, when's the soonest you can come and get him?"

Get him? Fights?

A familiar feeling enveloped Takashi, settling over his mind and body like a well-worn lead jacket. _I'm not staying here much longer._

He couldn't move. He couldn't hear the phone conversation anymore.

_My voice!_ An audible gasp left Takashi as all of a sudden he felt like he'd just had a bucket of ice water dumped on him.

_If I'm leaving, I need to get my voice back from the monster that stole it! If I end up going far away, it'll be too late then.._.

His eyes shot to the clock on the wall. 2:40 p.m.

_I can sti_ _ll_ _make it!_

Forgetting everything around him, Takashi dropped his schoolbag and ran.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was originally going to publish the last part here as the first part to the next chapter, but that would have made this one really weirdly short and the next one wayy too long. Pacing is hard. I hope I'm conveying the events happening in the story in an easy to digest, decently paced manner. 
> 
> I've also gotten mildly obsessed with Salonpas pain gel patches. It's been like 27 hours and I've already used 5. Work has been awful lately, my whole body hurts, and they just feel so nice and cool on my skin. Also they smell nice <3

**Author's Note:**

> More chapters to follow. Let me know what you guys think ^^ I'll share more thoughts about this au i have the longer it goes. It feels a bit heavy to dump it all out when the preview is barely 600 words, haha.


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